The Emperor's New Clothes

The parable is told of this vainpot emperor who wanted so much to be stylo-mylo he sent a decree for all the fashionista tailors to come and make him the most bestest clothes. So these two scallywags came and cheated him big-big and created him nothing so that he went about naked and thought himself most trig, decked out in invisible clothes.

My cat Iago must have heard this parable in reverse because he thought his natural suit of fur is not enough. He wants to wear clothes, real clothes. Otherwise he stalks around the house literally screaming his displeasure.

It started innocently enough when I found Sly's old collar - pretty new with a shiny bell because Sly never could abide the collar and always shrug it off in 2 seconds flat. I put it on Iago and noticed how he seemed to preen himself, how he walked self-consciously, head up shoulders back, how he walked all over the house seemingly showing off his collar and bell and even sat outside my condo unit, seeming to evince a desire to show off to the neighbours that he has a fashion accessory.

Many months pass. Everytime I bathe him, I would take off his collar. He happened to be one of those cats whose tiger genes are strong or he thought he is a tiger and so loved bathing. But after his baths and if I should forget to clip the collar back for him, he would stalk after me calling his displeasure. At first I didn't realise what the problem was. Woe was me if I forgot to put back his collar and yet dared to stand at my dressing table and put on my own accessories - earrings, watch, bangle or necklace. He would jump up and sit amidst my earring stand and accessories rack and balefully glare at every accessory I take out and put on me, but not on him. When I finished and walked away, he would let out such a hue and cry, jump down, run after me and jump on my legs, scratching and even biting, sometimes drawing blood.

Eventually I cottoned on and made sure to put his collar on. The times when he had his collar on and I was at my dressing table, he would still sit in his habitual spot but instead of glaring at me, he would sit extra upright, his neck stretched to display his collar and looked on benignly as I went through my ritual. Were I guilty of anthropomorphizing my pets, I might just read the smug expression on his face to mean "What? You need so many? With only one I'm still more handsome than you."

Incidentally, unlike Sly, he never swiped at any of the hanging earrings or necklaces. Of course he smelled and checked them all, but he never bothered them, pulled them down or disarrayed any of them.

One day, as I was putting the collar on him, the clasp broke. I showed it to him and explained to him, of course he didn't understand and refused to be mollified. Larry suggested using a rafia string. Note to non-Malaysian readers: this is a short piece of rafia string roughly 10 inches long tied in the round, used by traders to tie up plastic bags of food or drinks for you to take-away. Most Malaysian kitchens would have a hook where these are hung up to be reused, usually to tie up your garbage before depositing in the outside trash bin.

So we took one and put it over his head. It is kind of loose around his neck. Any self-respecting cat would have shrugged it off in a second. But lo and behold, my cat thought it's the latest fashion in neckties or lariat. He strutted and preened, we had a good laugh because it was the cheapest collar, nay, it cost nothing and it comes in different colors. He could easily make his fashion statement at no cost whatsoever to us.

Some months ago, I noticed how he would narrowly observe the clothes we took off and then attempt to get under, within, into the clothes. So I went to the petshop and asked for some lapdog shirts or vests. The assistant asked me what breed I have and when I replied I have a cat, she told me no cat would wear clothes. She went into detail how the cat's flexible spine would help the cat to discard the clothes easily. I told her I would chance it.

I brought the shirt back, put it on Iago and the rest is history.

He thinks he's the emperor in the above parable

"I don't need any of these frivolous stuff to look handsome"

I knitted this for my STAR CAT

Posing even in his sleep

And the Malaysian football jersey complete with his name. A true mascot!