And this was the guy who refused to let me tag on his surname when we got married, telling me the combination of my name, my surname and his surname just doesn't sound nice, while my stagename of Heidi Olivia Tan with the acronym of HOT is unique.
People ask me how I came up with such a stagename.
I was born in the month of October and all my aunties tell my mother she should name me Olivia. My mother being the eldest and the natural leader as well as trend-setter, might have been just a little piqued that they thought of it before her, so became a bit contrary and said she preferred Heidi. If she were German or had any drop of German blood, the choice might be alright as it is a common German name. But she actually named me after the storybook Heidi.
So I grew up trying to be a Heidi - you know, the little girl in the storybook of the same name, who went to stay with her grandfather in the alps. In fact, my name, or rather my perception of my name became my character. I see myself as this little girl scrambling up hill and down dale, never a hair in place, a little untidy and scruffy but, ahem, with a heart of gold for the Claras of the world. I just had to live up to the name, you know.
As I grew into adulthood and was still untidy with ne'er a hair in place and especially when I started a stage career and wanted so much to outgrow my little mountain girl persona, I thought of the name all my aunts wanted me called by. To me the name Olivia conjures up this cool tall ice maiden - elegant, beautiful, polished - everything I wasn't then and wanted to be one fine day. (I wasn't thinking of ONJ of the Grease and Xanadu fame. I was thinking of this Olivia that I knew - tall, cool, beautiful, unattainable)
I used the name as a middle name and found by coincidence that with Olivia inserted between my first and last name, I get an interesting acronym or initial. It's like getting two great deals for the price of one.
First, I could emulate to be an Olivia minus the height. I was already in my mid-20s, way past growing vertically. But I could be elegant and polished, or try to look so when I'm silent. Just don't let me start on any topic close to my heart - then, all the gesticulations would start and all the coolness would melt away.
Second, I could imagine meself a hot chick! You would have to have a kind heart and a less exacting imagination to describe my outward package as hot. But I'm not too bothered about how people think of me. What is more important is how I see myself.
And I am happy to be HOT even if I'm now a hot auntie! I look forward to being a hot granny in twenty years' time.
Nevertheless, I have had a lot of fun with the name Heidi, most notably once when I climbed onto a bar stool in Charleston, SC and ordered a pint of Guinness Draught. Over the course of the drink, I made some friends and when I shared my name, they did a double take. One actually said, "Get out of here!" I looked at them and said with a straight face, "Can't you tell I'm German?"
A friend told me how I would unconsciously straighten up, lift up my chin, pull back my shoulders and attempt to be cool when I was called Olivia. She would laugh herself silly looking at how I attempted to incorporate an Olivia-like pattern of speaking over my natural exuberance.
The youths at the Key Leader youth camps I facilitate seem to love my HOT moniker and would take every opportunity to call me Ms Hot. Except for one or two of the Gorgeous and Beautiful Tribe, most young people at that age (14 - 17) are still battling with varying degrees of inferiority complex regarding their looks and have yet to come into their own and be comfortable with their looks in respect to the world around them. I think they take courage from how little bubbly me could live comfortably with my misnomer of a name.
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| Neither looking hot nor cool... |
