People Who Won't Smile In Return

 I was born a solemn and serious person. I hardly bothered to smile at anyone or the camera.

At 2 1/2, I acquired a new brother. From the day he was born, Harry was one cheerful and happy person. He was always smiling, chuckling, laughing. When he was able to talk, he would be making jokes just to get people around him to laugh. I was immune and he therefore degressed to playing practical pranks on me which made me even more grumpy.

But at 15, I decided I would try his formula of "Smile and the world smiles with you". I soon found that smiling was a great device to
1) get your own way whether your way was right or wrong
1.1) Even when your way was right but if you approached it with a frown, people tend to give you a harder time but when you smile, it greased the way
1.2) If your way wasn't quite right, smiling got things done first, consequences later.

2) make more friends
2.1) people tend to think you're a nice person just because you smiled
2.2) people think you're a cold and aloof person if you don't smile
2.3) actually, at 15, I wasn't too concerned about having more friends or winning the popularity contest. Even at that age, I believed in quality rather than quantity. Nevertheless I found it useful to not be thought of as cold and aloof. Especially among my mother's friends and acquaintances, as in when they comment such illogical things to my mother: "Ooh, your daughter is so kind. She's always smiling."

Such comments always made me want to rush out and tie some fire-crackers to the tail of some stray dog or inflict some other cruelty, or do some big evil so that I could come back and keep smiling and be called kind. I knew I was kind even when I wasn't a smiling person. But the world wants to be misled. "Don't smile, and the world thinks there's something wrong with you." Maybe you have something to hide, maybe you're a bad person with evil thoughts.

After 31 years of following Harry's formula, smiling is a habit with me now. Of course I am very conscious that the smiling person I meet for the first time might be a serial murderer while the unsmiling one might instead be the sensitive saint or angel.

But there are certain unsmiling people that I cannot abide.

People who just might be lost in thought but seem to be staring rudely at you. So maybe you turn around and catch their eye and maybe give them a little smile of "Hey, you're staring, but its ok. I've also done that before." But no, they don't return your smile. They turn away. They don't even seem to look mortified. These people set my teeth on edge. These unsmiling people cannot possibly be a saint or angel in disguise. They are the height of rudeness personified.

I have vowed to myself that the next person to do that will get the following piece of "lecture" from me. I will walk up to him or her and say: "Excuse me, haven't you ever been taught that it is rude to stare? You were staring at me and when I turned around and saw you and smiled at you, the least you could do is smile back instead of turning away. Sure, I understand that you might be lost in your thoughts or under pressure or have some stress, but would it kill you to smile in return, especially when you have been unconsciously rude?"

Last week I met a second type of people-who-won't-smile-in-return and I've been exhausting all possible excuses, justifications and scenarios for why she wouldn't return my smile, so I offer this encounter to you. Maybe you could come up with another angle.

I've been feeding the family of stray cats in my neighborhood for some time and have noticed that somebody else has also been caring for them. I asked the security guard about it and he told me that a lady drove around the blocks, leaving cat food at various spots every evening, come rain or not. I was so impressed and wanted to meet this kind soul. I always think that a person who spends time, money and effort in feeding stray cats and dogs must be a good person. Just like I think that a dog person or a cat person cannot be a bad person. If one loves cats or dogs, they must be nice people. (Ahem, I'm not referring to meself.)

So there I was, manouvering to meet this kind soul who has been feeding the neighborhood strays. Finally I caught her in the act. I walked towards her with the most brilliant smile pasted on my mug, when, lo and behold, she took one look at me, neither acknowledged me with a nod nor returned my smile, but walked away leaving me standing flabbergasted, perplexed, awkward, crushed. I was so shocked I didn't even think of hailing her. I just stood there looking at her retreating back.

Now, which part of my smile or demeanor made me look like the neighbor that was going to give her grief? I went home soberly, looked in the mirror and re-enacted my smile, just to see if maybe, I looked like a deranged cat food thief or some vile thing the cat dragged in.